Yesterday I read a blog posting for a woman I know (sort of - she's a client and had given me the webpage for something funny even though I'm not supposed to do non-work internet surfing at work) and I spent the next while laughing my ass off at the wit she managed to find in life's little situations. Ironically, she said several times in her blog that it didn't matter what she wrote, no one was ever going to read it anyway. I'm not sure whether to tell her how funny I found the blog and how it made me feel better about my own working mother Supermom skills, or whether to just let on like I never read the thing except for the link to the Hawaii Chair clip from Ellen (which if you've never seen you need to search for). Anyway, I digress.
So, in case you don't know, there is a category of women out there who are attempting to have it all - families, careers, success in all areas, and who in general likely spend most of the time feeling as if they are barreling along on a motorcycle at excessively high speeds with one tire about to blow and a bridge out about 30 feet up the road.
Yup, that's me. Thirty-something biker babe living life dangerously by night, Straight-laced pocket-protector wearing accountant by day. *giggle*
So this morning I wake up to the kids (let's call them the WW's - i.e. wascally wabbits) jumping on the bed around me working up their excitement about the day. Come on - let's face it, it's Valentine's Day - we gotta share the loooovvveee man. Amidst the chaos approximately 20 minutes before departure, Noah in his sweetest little boy way says, "Hey Abby - you must be really excited about this being your first valentine's party at school!"
"Oh Shit."
Mental thought: I can't believe I forgot those stupid f*****g veggie trays, I knew I shouldn't have signed up for food, whose stupid idea was it anyway? Doesn't everybody know this is busy season and I shouldn't volunteer for this shit? Who can I blame (besides me) for this latest crisis?
Supermom Disaster Prevention Lesson #1: Never let them know you screwed up.
"What mom - what's wrong?"
"Nothing."
Supermom Disaster Prevention Lesson #2: When that fails, only admit partial failure.
"Well then why did you say that?"
"Umm...ugh, well, you know, I uh, forgot that I have to go to the Superstore this morning on my way to work."
Supermom Disaster Prevention Lesson #3: Use your near disaster to your advantage, to improve your respectability and ranking as Supermom Extraordinaire.
"Why aren't you sending those party treats with us?"
"Oh, well, I thought since you guys have all the valentines and homework and everything else to carry with you, that I would just drop the treats off at school to you after school gets started."
Mental addition: I can drop them off approximately 20 minutes after the Superstore opens at 8am, which means that I can leave town by 8:30 and then maybe make it to work by 9, only a half hour late - surely no one will notice.
So while I wait in line at the Superstore with my veggie trays in hand, I notice lovely balloon arrangements. Wouldn't one of those perk up the parties in the grade primary and grade two classrooms. Noah and Abby would have the coolest mom in town if she showed up with those. That would justify my having to deliver these stupid veggie trays! BINGO - I've got a cover!
Wait - they're $25 a pop! Damn, looks like I'm goin' in on my own.
Now...have any of you felt the prying eyes of those other Supermoms? The ones who for all intents and purposes appear to be perfect in every way and never possibly forget things? Those are the Supermoms who work in the school office - the school police that you have to get by to get a hall pass in order to deliver the party food to the classrooms. Their eyes stare at your Superstore bag covered goodies and they knowingly nod - "Oh look, you're dropping off some food [that you obviously forgot or you would have sent it a half hour ago when school started]."
I'm in, I'm out, I'm on my way to work, I've alerted the receptionist that I am delayed by an emergent situation, everything's going good, turn down the road to work, and boom. Who pulls in behind me? HR Manager. Damn. Guess I'm working late tonight. Wait a minute. I was gonna be working late tonight anyway. Time check: 9:05. Wow - all that and I'm only 35 minutes late! I deserve a round of applause!!
PS - the moms on the school office are all quite lovely.
